To Slit Or Not To Slit? Addressing Slay Culture, Modesty, and Identity.
“Ah! I can’t believe it girl, you’re going on a date! It’s been forever. Wait, did he actually say it was a date or… Doesn’t matter! What matters is what we’re about to wear! Cause it’s been a while and you gotta come steppin’ on necks. Geeze, I wish I brought more of my clothes from New York. I literally have nothing sexy enough in this closet. Hmm….
Ok, how about we just make the perfect dress. Yes, we only have a couple of hours but we can do it! Grab some fabric from the Thriftstore and a few finishing touches and we’ll be good! I’m thinking of a spaghetti strap slip dress, light fabric so we got that Drake “sundress” vibe but not see-through. A little bit of cleavage but not too much (cause we don’t want to look thirsty out here)! And it’s got to hug the body right so he doesn’t get it twisted- that thang be thangin’!
Let’s do a drape here.. and add a tuck here…Mmmkk! 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾 … O, and do we want it to be a long or a short? Girl, short- this ain't a gala it’s just a dinner…I think. Let’s ask Instagram.
Ok, Instagram approves! So we’ll do an above-the-knee situation. That looks so good! He’s going to be drooling when he sees you in this honey. And oooo, if you do a high slit on the thigh right here, you’ll have him on his knees!
Shoot, where's my scissors?”
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I’d already marked where I wanted the slit to be. On my right thigh, high enough to make him curious. But as I went to cut the fabric I hesitated.
“What am I doing?”
The question echoed in my ear and my conviction kept me still. As God reminded me of who I am in His love, I decided instead to make a new choice that honored the new me.
“We can revisit this dress later. For now, let’s opt for this gorgeous top and some nice jeans.”
In reality, I’m sure it was just a 2 second moment, but those 2 seconds completely transformed the way I saw myself. To make the slit in that dress or not make the slit was more than just a stylistic decision- it was a decision of which identity I wanted to walk out into the world owning- the one covered in rejection or the one covered in love?
Fashion and Identity. It’s been a topic of discussion even at Scholarly levels. History shows us there’s something that connects how we dress to how we identify ourselves. As a fashion lover, it’s a mode of self-expression like no other.
But if you grew up in a black household like mine, you probably heard something along the lines of “children should be seen and not heard”. Self-expression, as long as you were under the roof of your parents, was nearly non-existent. So I grew up hoarding my thoughts in my mind until I found my voice through a Brother sewing machine. At that time, I felt fashion said what I’d always wanted to say and for once it seemed like what I was saying mattered… or at least that’s how I interpreted it by the praises ringing through my high school hallways. “Yes, queen! Slay!” “Honey, you look powerful!”
"Hmm. Powerful. I like that.”
It’s no wonder that when our attire is questioned, we often can get easily offended. We’ve owned our style as our identity so much that when our style is attacked it feels like someone’s attacking who we are.
So, who have we believed we are and why?
Most often, these questions come up in spaces that require how we look to properly reflect what we represent. Remember how jaws dropped when Elle Woods walked down the halls of Harvard Law School in a 2 piece all pink leather suit with matching glasses?! Her mates, dressed head to toe in variations of gray, pantsuits, and navy ties, could hardly hold in their laughter. They knew that Harvard Law school had a look- conservative, smart, professional, uniformed. Anything outside of that meant you weren’t serious, and if you weren’t seen as serious then you could be seen as a joke.
The same can be said about church- where the number of holes in your jeans calculates how much more religion spectators think you need 🥴.
Rejection or acceptance, fear or power, grief or joy, poverty or fame - it seems like we allow whatever we’re running away from or whatever we’re running towards to be what dresses our bodies, our hearts, and our identity. It gets to a point where we become so many versions of ourselves just to fit into all of these spaces.
And for me, I was getting tired of juggling them all. Because I carried rejection in my heart, it continued to follow me no matter how high my slit or how powerful my suit. I craved affirmation and acceptance from other people to measure my worth. My heart wasn’t whole, and it showed on the outside.
One could say the same thing about the women of Ephesus, who adorned themselves with gold, pearls, and costly garments (1 Timothy 2:9-10). Yes, Slay Culture was definitely in biblical times too and these women definitely wore their brokenness. In the midst of false doctrines running rampant in the church of Ephesians, they added to the flame by dressing with the intention to merely flaunt their class status. It wasn’t that wearing gold and pearls was ungodly (because in Ezekiel 16:10-12 God speaks of Jerusalem as a woman He adorned with costly garments and precious jewels.) It was the reason behind why these women wore it- pride, praise, and desirability.
We can get so consumed with pleasing people even if that person is ourselves. We say things like “my body, my choice” forfeiting the fact that our bodies are God’s holy temple, purchased with a price, and are not our own (1 Corinthians 6:19-20). The bible says that there is a way that seems right to a man, but its end is the way of death (Proverbs 14:12).
I realized that I was doing the opposite of what Proverbs 3:5-6 says. I wasn’t trusting God and was leaning too much onto my own understanding. Somehow, my wardrobe became another tool in my kit to try and control the outcomes I wanted in my life- even down to a second date (which by the way, never happened. Thank God!) Whenever we try to rule over our own lives, we lose it. But when we surrender control to God that’s when living begins (Luke 17:33).
I believe the letter the apostle Paul wrote to Timothy in 1 Timothy 2 had to address the immodesty of the women in Ephesus because the intentions behind their church clothes spread the false doctrine that we receive salvation by our works and not by God’s.
Before we were ever formed in our mother’s womb, God knew He would sacrifice His only Son just for us because He loved us (John 3:16) and He wanted us to be a part of His family (Ephesians 1:5). It’s in this love that we should choose to walk in every day. His love is what should shape our identity.
I’m sure you thought this blog would give you a list of dos and don’ts for what adheres to modest style or how a believer of Jesus should dress. But that would just corroborate with how man sees, judging by the outward appearance of a person (1 Samuel 16:7). Our challenge instead is to see how God sees and that’s by the heart.
So rather than a wardrobe checklist, I’ll leave you with some questions-
WHAT IS YOUR HEART SAYING? WHAT ARE YOUR INTENTIONS BEHIND WHAT YOU'RE WEARING?
Is it to step on necks and turn heads or is it just the perfect look for brunch?
WHO'S VOICE ARE YOU ALLOWING TO SPEAK INTO YOUR STYLE?
Is it grief telling you you’re not good enough or is it God saying that you are His delight (Zephaniah 3:17)
DOES YOUR HEART ALIGN WITH GOD'S WORD AND THE HEART POSTURE HE REQUIRES OF US?
Or does it align more with the words of people?
Modesty is not a specific look, it’s a heart check. Just like what we do and what we say should be a heart check too. Out of the heart spring the issues of life (Proverbs 4:23) which simply means that from our hearts a roadmap to life is drawn*. So if you have places you’re trying to go (duh, that’s why you’re part of our THFFam!), then guard your heart and guard it well.
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Have any thoughts or questions to share about this blog? Check out this Recap Podcast Episode here, hang with the THFFam and bring your thoughts and questions with you. Until next time!
Love,
Nyorh
