Ch.2 Release The Weight of Waiting
READ CH1. Frustration Is a Sign Of Transition
CHAPTER 2
Release The Weight Of Waiting
Before that snowflake finds its way back to the ground, there is a radical moment—fleeting, yes, but radical nonetheless. It’s the moment in between the shaking and the settling—the moment of drifting.
I was glad for the revelation about my frustrations, but my life was still drifting up in the air! Agwe Studios was an answered prayer that signified progression and forward movement in the area of my career and financial freedom. Yet, it seemed like I was at a standstill, suspended between two realities. On one end, there was no movement; inquiries for my side hustles dried up; I was confused about what to do with my branding agency now that Agwe Studios was here; our contractors went M.I.A. with still so much work to do in the studio; and I had $37 left to my name with no flow of income in sight. On the other end, there was movement—we got a few bookings for the following month after the studio launch, my gas tank was always miraculously full, and I was invited to apply for a job I was excited to be considered for.
My pastor once said that God will lead us with His provision. So God will dry up one place and bring life to another to show us the direction He wants to lead us in. I could tell that God was intentionally closing certain doors for me, and I had two options: 1) I could re-open those doors and continue promoting my seamstress services, or email tons of potential branding clients. Or 2) I could let the doors God closed stay closed, leave those dry places, and follow His provision.
But it seemed like He was closing doors faster than He was opening new ones! I was still waiting for the job to respond, waiting for the studio bookings to close, waiting for the contractors to reappear. It left me… drifting.
I was divinely stuck in a hallway between two doors, one closed behind me and one not yet opened for me. Sure, I had enough sense this time not to open up the door myself but to wait for God to make a way. And so I waited in this in-between, and waited and waited, and... there’s something about waiting that (if we’re not careful) can steal our faith, raise our anxiety, and double our doubt.
Let the wait time at a restaurant pass 10 minutes. There’s only so much small talk you can have to distract you from how long it’s taking. But at some point, around 15 minutes or more, you’re ready to storm up to the front desk and sit yourself down!
Why is waiting so heavy? What concerns us as we wait? Can I tell you what mine are—my past, my timelines, and my plans. Seven years of unemployment were nowhere near my plans. Personally, I think the over-experience of rejection from both the marketplace and from family left a traumatic taste in my mouth, to the point that waiting becomes a bit triggering.
The worst part is that while you’re waiting, the enemy is waiting too, studying you to spot the moment when you’re most vulnerable. How else would he have known that Jesus was hungry in the wilderness if he hadn’t studied Him? After 40 days of fasting, what gave it away? Was it His body language or something He said? Whatever it was, the enemy was able to spot Jesus’ exact moment of hunger (Matthew 4:2) and then plan his attack.
What was the enemy after? He was after Jesus’ dependence on God—by tempting Jesus to turn the stones into bread or by gaining a kingdom through His own means. The enemy is after the same thing in our waiting period. He’s after our dependence on God, and He’s been after it since Adam and Eve!
If I believed the lies of the enemy, I’d believe the length of time waiting as proof that God wouldn’t come through for me. So why am I still waiting on Him? Why not do it myself?
You see, God has good works reserved for us on earth (Ephesians 2:10), and He’s purposed for us to do great things (John 14:12). In fact, too great to do in our own strength, and the enemy knows that. That’s why if he can persuade us to be independent of God and try to carry our God-size dreams by ourselves, the weight of it will crush us. But if we depend on the strength of the Lord instead of our own, He will carry the weight for us.
We have to recognize how devisize the enemy is in our lives. He’ll even twist the evidence of our past to try and steal our future. But to keep our future alive and out of the hands of the enemy we must make the choice to filter our experiences through the truth of who God is and not through what we’ve seen.
Sometimes the weight of our waiting is because somewhere down the line we became more focused on God’s hand rather than His face—on His promises rather than His character. And the resentment we carry that adds to the weight of waiting is because we believed He could heal the blind, but we don't really believe He’s good. But if we believed in His character more than what He could do for us, then we’d know that no matter what He does, God is forever good, especially to those who love Him.
To save my future, I had to filter my experience through who God is. Since He is a good Father, then that could only mean each closed door in my life was a redirection, and each dry season was purposed for my preparation.
With that perspective shift, I now see that I was always prospering. It just didn’t show up in the way I thought it would. My prosperity was taking place in my heart. God was molding me to become the type of person He could trust with a God-sized dream. He made me humble so that He could raise me up. He allowed my plans to fail, so I had room to receive something better. He took away natural provision so I could experience supernatural provision. Even in the last months of this year, He allowed my account to rest at $0.00 so that I would know Him as the one who truly sustains me. In the fullness of time, when the prosperity in my heart manifests in my environment, I will also know without a doubt that I was not the one who got myself there.
If we don’t release the weight of waiting, we won’t be able to grab hold of our future. The Apostle Paul in Philippians 3:13–14 says, “One thing I do: forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.” To release the weight of our waiting is to release our past. Forget what’s been behind us. Forget what happened or didn’t happen; forget the plans; forget the timelines; and practice forgetting them time and time again. There is a prize before you! God is doing a new thing, and it’s springing up in your life. But to perceive it, it’s going to require you to forget the former things and release the past so you can take hold of your future (Isaiah 43:18–19).
NOTE TO SELF:
Release your timeline and your plans. In fact, release the thought that your timeline and your plan would’ve been better than God’s. 1 Corinthians 2:9 tells us, “Eyes have not seen, ears have not heard, nor has it entered into the heart of man the things which God has prepared for them that love Him.” That means if you could’ve thought of it, then it wasn’t good enough. His plan is better than your own!
To keep our future alive and out of the hands of the enemy, we must make the choice to filter our experiences through the truth of who God is and not through what we’ve seen. Do not let the evidence of what you’ve seen (or have yet to see) steal your future. Seasons change, and so do our experiences. But God never changes. He is the same yesterday, today, and forever more. Place your hope and your future in Him, for no one who hopes in Him will ever be put to shame (Psalm 25:1).
Remember who you’re waiting on. Sure, we’ve waited on people, and some of them have let us down. But you’re not waiting on just anyone, so don’t project the imperfections of mankind onto the perfect God. If He still has you waiting, then know it will be worth it. He mounts on the wings of eagles those who wait on Him (Isaiah 40:31). That means while others are running on the ground, you'll be soaring in the air. What would take others years will take you months when you wait on the Lord. God is a debtor to no one. What He promises, He will fulfill, and He will do so in abundance.
Don’t release yourself before it’s time. Waiting is uncomfortable, yes, but in those trials, God is maturing you and completing you. Let perseverance finish its work in you so that you lack nothing in your new season. (James 1:4)
